Why isn't meditation working after I've started? Here, I introduce the 5 most common meditation mistakes beginners make and their solutions. Let's correct wrong meditation habits like distracting thoughts, posture, and attachment to time, and start proper mindfulness meditation.
Do you remember the first day you started meditating? You closed your eyes and found a quiet space to sit. But within less than a minute, thoughts about tonight's dinner, tomorrow's meeting, and unanswered KakaoTalk messages started flooding your mind. 'This isn't meditation.' You chastise yourself and eventually pick up your smartphone.
Many people give up on meditation right at this point. However, that moment might actually be when meditation truly begins.
In fact, research shows that about one in four people who experience meditation for the first time stop during their initial experience. The reason is simple: misunderstandings about meditation and bad habits. As someone who has covered meditation culture for over 20 years, I also repeated the same mistakes at first. Today, I want to share the five most common meditation mistakes beginners make and how to fix them.
Mistake 1: Thinking "If I have distracting thoughts, I've failed"
This is the biggest misunderstanding among meditation beginners. The formula 'meditation = not thinking at all' leads them to blame themselves every time a distracting thought arises. "I guess I have no talent for meditation."
But this is a completely wrong understanding.
In mindfulness meditation, having thoughts arise is not a failure. The process of 'noticing' that thoughts have come up and returning to your breath is mindfulness itself.
There's an even more interesting fact. In psychology, there's a phenomenon called the 'paradox of thought suppression,' where the more you try not to think about something, the more that thought comes to mind. It's like saying, "Don't think about a pink elephant," and then the pink elephant won't leave your mind.
Solution: Practice 'letting thoughts flow'
When distracting thoughts arise, don't try to eliminate them; just notice, 'Oh, I'm having this thought right now.' Then gently redirect your attention back to your breath. Observing the flow of thoughts as if they were leaves or clouds, and letting them pass as you observe them is key. This 'noticing and returning' repetition is training your meditation muscle.
Mistake 2: Trying to meditate for 30 minutes or an hour from the start
It's understandable to want to see the effects of meditation quickly. So, you try to sit for an unreasonably long time from the beginning, only to give up when you can't endure it. As a result, you conclude that 'meditation isn't for me.'
This is no different from trying to complete a marathon course on your first day of learning to run.
Solution: Start with 3 minutes
It's best to start with just 3 minutes and gradually increase the time. According to researchers at Harvard University, just 10 minutes of meditation a day can lower cortisol levels, the stress hormone. What's more important than the length of time is consistency. Even if it's short, sitting at the same time every day is much more effective than occasionally doing long meditations.
Mistake 3: Thinking you must sit in a lotus position
When you think of meditation, the image of sitting upright in a lotus position often comes to mind. So, even if the posture is uncomfortable, you force yourself to maintain the lotus position, suffering from knee and back pain. Focusing on the posture can cause you to neglect the actual meditation.
Solution: The most comfortable position is the best position
You don't have to sit in a lotus position. You can meditate sitting, standing, or lying down, and the most comfortable position is the best one. Just keep in mind that lying down can make you prone to falling asleep. Using a cushion or pillow to keep your back straight while sitting can help maintain focus. Sitting in a chair is also perfectly fine. The essence of meditation is not the posture but paying attention to the present moment.
Mistake 4: Expecting to see changes in a few days
Social media is filled with stories of people whose lives changed in just 7 days of meditation. Drawn in by these stories, you start meditating, but if you don't notice significant changes after a week, you quickly lose interest. Since meditation doesn't yield quick results, this disappointment often leads to giving up.
Solution: Meditation is 'muscle training'
Meditation and breathing techniques don't create miracles in a short time, but with consistent practice, you can definitely experience noticeable changes. The effects of meditation are similar to strength training. Just as you don't build muscle from a single visit to the gym, meditation slowly changes the brain's circuitry through consistent repetition. Mindfulness meditation is known to directly affect the prefrontal cortex and posterior cingulate cortex, calming excessively activated brain waves. This change is felt gradually after weeks or even months of consistent practice. Focusing on 'this moment' is the essence of meditation, but the same mindset is needed to reap its fruits.
Mistake 5: Only meditating when you feel like it or when stress is extreme
It's common to use meditation as a 'relief remedy.' If you only pull it out when things get tough, you end up approaching meditation in a state of extreme emotional turmoil. It's like trying to learn to swim in the middle of a stormy sea.
Solution: Make it a routine in your daily life
When you start learning meditation, it's best to practice when your mind is calm. Try meditating early in the morning or after returning from school or work when you've relieved stress. Setting a specific time and place to establish it as a habit is key. Three minutes while brewing your morning coffee, five minutes by the window before returning to your seat after lunch, or ten deep breaths while lying in bed before sleep. Incorporating meditation into small gaps in your daily life is much more sustainable than waiting for a special day.
There’s no one who is 'good' at meditation
There is no such thing as being 'good' at meditation. The very act of sitting and trying to focus on your breath is already meditation.
It's okay if distracting thoughts surge. It's okay if your posture is off. It's okay if you're more distracted today than yesterday. You can always return. That repetition of 'returning' gradually and surely changes our minds.
Today, just for 3 minutes, put down your smartphone and close your eyes. Those 3 minutes can change your day, as those who have experienced it know.
